I know I say this in every post I make but thank you so much for the views and comments! Appreciate it so much, you don't understand haha!
I've also recently made an instagram if you'd like to follow, i'm sure my link is on my blog, if not then ...
GIRL ONLINE(NZ) INSTAGRAM
I kinda just want to get something off my chest and share it with you, some people on my instagram have commented to find a way to connect with you all, and I hope there are people out there who have been through something like this or can relate in anyway. I'm sorry for the not so exciting posts but I promise my next one will be exciting that you can all look forward to but I just really NEED to get this off my chest and I feel like writing about it can help in a way..
Have you ever sat with your friends and just know that you're the least important friend in the group and you feel like it wouldn't make a difference if you were there or not?
Or had the closest group of friends and they totally exclude you?
Having those friends make all these exciting plans, and although they know how "close" you think you guys are or how you've just ALWAYS been there for them.. they totally just leave you out?
Or have your own best friend become so distant that she has become someone you used to know?
^^^ Literally my whole life right now.
I'm sick of walking around school, pretending to be happy.. but i'm just lying to myself. I feel like I have no one... well I do but I just feel so alone. Sick of growing so close to someone then have them walk out on me, ja feel?
I know it's a "normal" thing to grow apart from friends, but really... do they have to be all my friends? Well those who use to mean so much to me, don't get me wrong they still do.. I just don't understand.
So recently, I've had my "best friend" ignore me, snob me at school, talk about me behind my back... She walks past me and acts like as if I don't even exist. She's my best friend, my sister, my family. I feel so alone without her and I don't know how she can just walk around with a smile on her face while I have a shadow cast over me, dwelling over the feeling of emptiness.
The thing is, A few years ago I didn't even live where I do now, and she was pretty much one of my first friends when I began school. So heck yeah she's pretty important to me.
My "OGclique" were me and four other girls including her (my best friend). They were my own family, start of last year we had a fall out, but I was still close with them but I didn't even matter to them, shit happened but I was always still there for them.
Eventually I started to hang out with a different group of friends and to this day they're my closest friends ever.
My best friend and I were still best friends, we did everything together, she was my "partner in crime". We'd literally be with each other 24/7 or if not, we'd make last minute plans and just do them whether we had something going on or not, we just had to always be together or it wouldn't feel right. Towards the last few months of 2014, our old "group" became close again I would say, and we all started to hang out with each other and make plans.
This year, 2015, Three of the girls had a party for their 16th.. eventually I didn't go because I was so sick. But my best friend still went but ever since then she became so distant and that's when things started to change..
All those girls exclude me from everything now and show the slightest appreciation of my existence.
I'm always there for her and always will be. She knows that and I had given her my word about it. Sometimes I just want to text her to remind her I'm here for her but then I remember she does know i'm here for her, she just doesn't care.
My group of friends that have become my closest friends have all told me to not even bother with her, but how can I just forget and move forward after all the memories we share and what not? That's a big thing you're asking me to do. I feel like it's harder for teenagers.. at our age we all have that one friend we can't part with and see them a part of our future. Like if you haven't told your best friend either "You're going to be the god-mother of my kids" or "You're my maid of honor" or just something along those lines then wow.. i don't know about you but damn ahaha, must be New Zealand.
She's become someone I don't even recognize, and don't you tell me it's apart of growing up, best friends who went through so much together just don't suddenly ignore you, snob you, talk about you behind your back, act like you don't even exist..
The world just doesn't feel right without that one person you spent your time with 24/7.
I haven't exactly explained everything, I don't want to get too feels about this post or too personal but you get the idea of what i'm trying to say?
I don't know what to do guys...
I just feel so alone, empty.. I feel like I don't mean anything to her or anyone really. Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone.. no matter how many people are around. I know I said i'm here to give advice, but this time I'm really needing someone argh. I think the main reason why i'm so upset over something like this or why I just get upset so quickly in general is because I would NEVER do the things people do to hurt me, to hurt them.
Much love guys,
Check out my instagram specifically for this "Girl Online" blog.
Thanks again every one, i'm sorry for the not so happy post haha, but I just really needed to get that off my chest,
Girl Online, Signing out xxx
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