Hey everyone!
Thank you so much for the page reviews last night after posting my first post on this blog that I literally only made less than 24 hours ago haha! But although I may not have followers just yet, knowing that they're actually people out there reading my posts is amazing and you guys are from all over the world! I may be typing to a few ghosts right now but I will post no matter what, even if I'm stuck with only one follower, I'd still like to get my thoughts, advice and photos etc etc out there :)
I wanna start this second post off with.. Have you ever just come across a guy that is so attractive and he show's interest in you? Although you may not be the prettiest flower in the garden, but yet he still gave you the attention any girl would've wanted from him?
That was me last year. So I knew of this guy since I was year 9, but only really took notice of him in year 10 (i'm not too sure if a few of you would understand but years i
n NZ schooling is like forms, how you have 7th Form etc) He's a year older but I always thought he was just darn gorgeous right. Last year while I was year 11, we started talking a bit at a few parties and what not. Getting to know him in such a simple way, in fact one night we ended up walking to McDonald's together at 3am! haha, but he was so sweet but I knew I would never get a chance with him.
He added me on social media and we talked for a while, getting to know each other. We had so much in common, it just seemed like a perfect fit. One night out he drunkenly told a friend of his who was also a friend of mine that he liked me, I know right! I couldn't believe it because it doesn't happen that often where I have an amazing attractive guy say he likes me. After months and months of talking, I developed many feelings for him that It caused me to spend the whole entire 2014 crushing over him. Our conversations and soft hellos around school caused so much chaos between the girls in my year, especially this one particular girl. She ended up telling lies, saying he was only talking to me because he didn't want to be mean... oh but hang on, who's the girl he texts at 2am asking if she's still awake because he can't sleep? who's the girl he tells that he enjoys talking to over any other person because our conversations are never the same and are always entertaining? WHO IS THE GIRL THAT HE ENDS UP TEXTING/CALLING WHILE HE IS DRUNK TELLING THEM HE HAS FEELINGS AND WANTS TO KNOW IF SHE'S OKAY ALTHOUGH HE IS MORTALED? Me. Not you. Me. Like please. If you're jealous, please don't go around making up lies </3
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| *Me after finding out about all the lies she has said tbh* |
Honestly I could go on forever about how our little "Flirtationship" was and everything but It wouldn't really matter now would it? As he's stopped talking to me after all that was said last year.. No contact has been made, not even a hello at school. I don't know what happened but he will always be my favorite "What if?" We see each other at school and we completely ignore each other, we look down or just walk the other way.. it sucks really, as he was such a huge part of the year 2014 but now we act as if we've never met. We never ended on a bad note, in fact the last message I ever received from him was "brb having a shower :) xxx" but that message never came. I'm sure ALL girls can relate when I say I always get that gut feeling that I would feel like I would be bothering him if I were to message him.. you know what I mean? It honestly sucks, because we could've been something.. What if we didn't stop talking? What if we took things further you know? What if i wasn't afraid to message him? What if.
We always have that one guy we crush over and always think of those perfect little scenarios, those "What if'?" moments. We come across so many what if's and we're left endlessly thinking about them whenever we get reminded.
I had to spend the day with him yesterday on a field trip and damn, the amount of times we caught each others eyes.. What if he feels the same way, as in he's wondering why we stopped talking in the first place? Ahhhhh you see what I mean? WHAT IF.
This year I want to become more confident and exterminate any possible scenario that would end up as a "What if?" I want to put myself out there more, to be not so shy, to have the courage and not to dwell over the feeling of "bothering" someone. Maybe you could too?
I really want to start talking to him again, he was such a good friend. We had the best conversations and he was just always there for me... maybe that could be the first step in achieving my aim that i stated just before..? I don't know, maybe it's too late to save our friendship. What do you guys think? Maybe it isn't such a good idea because I do in fact have a thing with someone.. and maybe talking to him again would dig up some old feelings which is never good. But i really do miss out friendship ahhhh so stuck.
Please don't be scared to comment <3 Let me know your thoughts about the situation and thoughts about this post and what you would like to see me post more about? :)
Much love,
Girl Onling, signing out xxx
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